August 11, 2020 – Stim Day 11 & Trigger
What a day.
I woke up this morning at 0615. I had to be at the clinic at 0700 for a vaginal ultrasound and bloodwork. I arrived on time and Husband sat with me while we waited. I was number 9 again. We both had to have bloodwork. I was called back and met with Dr. Twilight today. She was very nice, and I can tell that she’s very experienced.
The appointment started when she entered the room. She came by herself and asked me if I needed someone else in there. I told her no. She asked me if I knew how to write numbers. I told her I can write numbers, but I’d never done what she was asking. It was my attempt at being funny. She explained to me that I’d be writing down the numbers she called out and I agreed. It was fun to be part of it. We talked about what she was going to do and the plan. Basically, we’re trying to get me ready for Husband’s TESE. She also emphasized that we’d be doing what’s best for me and my potential for eggs. She also addressed the revelation from the last appointment. Basically, the additional ovary and the corresponding follicles. Part of me was thinking that maybe Dr. Guy was mistaken. I knew that this was a miracle but there was still that part of me that’s used to being let down.
She got started and we went right to the numbers. My ES (the endometrial lining number) was a 10. Then she started telling me the numbers of the follicles. We started on the right. I don’t even know how many were over there but the first number was a 20 or 21. The numbers ranged from 9 to 20/21. Then we went to the left. I know there were 5 over here. I can’t even remember those numbers. It’s unbelievable that my baseline appointment was so bad.
After the exam, Dr. Twilight told me that things were looking good and we’d be good to trigger tonight. This was the news I was waiting for. I was so happy, but I knew it would happen. I’ve known throughout this that this would happen. She told me to expect a call with the time to trigger and to head to the COVID tent after my bloodwork today. I left the exam room and headed to the lab. Husband was already over there. We both waited to have our bloodwork. The best part is that my favorite phlebotomist did my bloodwork. She asked me how I remembered her name and I reminded her about my visit. She remembered me and was just so nice. Then we headed to the car and to the COVID tent by the ER.
The good thing is that the COVID tent was literally a right turn from the parking lot. Everyone undergoing surgery at Walter Reed must be tested for COVID within a certain number of hours. I think it’s 48 to 72 hours. This was the worst part of the day. We drove up and an attendant took our information. She was nice. The music for morning colors started at 0800 right while she was taking our information. She stopped and faced the flag while the national anthem played. Then got right back to it.
The test was terrible. There’s no way around it. They stick this thin stick down your nostrils so, so, so far. It burned. It felt like nothing I’d ever felt before. Husband and I both hated it. It makes you feel lightheaded and cloudy and like you’re drowning and burning at the same time. It was really quick though. I swear he touched my brain with that thing. The bad part is that they have to do both nostrils. Once they start with the first one, you’re so out of sorts that you barely notice the next one. It’s terrible. I couldn’t help but turn my head. There has to be a better way. My niece told me her nasal test tickled and made her laugh. I wish we had whatever one she had. This one almost made me cry. But…we did it. We crossed that boundary. Thankfully, we were both negative. They told us we’d only receive a call if we tested positive. I checked online to verify our status. Woohoo!! What if I went through all those injections only to test positive?
The only hard thing left before retrieval day is the trigger shot. I’ve been giving myself injections since July 31st but for some reason, this shot has scared me since day 1. I don’t know if it’s the size of the needle or the fact that it has to go in the muscle. It was the one I worried about the most. I’ve thought about this thing nightly. I’ve practiced stretching the skin and giving the injection. I’ve researched the best way to approach it. All the time knowing that I was dreading it but had to do it. I knew I would because I had to. So, I did it.
I got the call shortly after 1300 with my instructions for the coming days. I trigger tonight at 2230 (10:30 pm). Julia, the nurse who called, told me what to do and which needle to use. She also told me no food after midnight the night before retrieval and some other things to do. I set my alarm for 10:05 so I’d have time to prepare the injection. It’s a mix. I watched the instruction video once more and watched some 90 Day Fiancé. As the time got closer, I started to get more and more nervous. I kept praying for peace. There really was no need to be nervous at all. The size of the needle just messed with my head. I took a shower around 9:30 and then prepped the syringe. It took longer than I expected. One of my stims was a mix but I used a q cap for it. This one didn’t say to do that. I was to just use the needle on the syringe. This made getting the very last drop difficult. I did it though. This left me with about 15-20 minutes before it was time for the injection. I sat quietly. Husband was quietly worried for me. I thought about things. I tried to stay calm. I ended up turning on some music and listening to something to help me calm down. Adore by Prince was my first choice and it really helped. I decided on my spot for the injection. I knew I’d use the thigh since I was doing it myself, but I wasn’t sure if I’d sit or stand. I ended up going to the bathroom with only the light from the microwave. This seemed like the perfect situation. Time got closer so I got setup. I changed the music to I Love the Lord by Whitney Houston. Then the tears started. I stood at the door looking out and held my hands together like I was praying. I prayed for peace and strength and listened and then the alarm went off. I wiped my thigh with the alcohol wipe and just tried to stay calm and breathe. Then I did it. I firmly inserted the needle. It actually wasn’t bad at all. In fact, in went in much easier than I thought it would. I was afraid it wasn’t in all the way, but it was. I pushed the fluid in. I had a little burning before the fluid entered but that was it. I took the needle out and that was it. I did have some bleeding but not the shooting out blood that would have indicated I hit a blood vessel. I didn’t even check when I injected. I didn’t have another needle to redo it with, so it didn’t really matter. Then, I cried. Not from pain. From hope.
I walked out of the bathroom and Husband was so worried, but I reassured him that I was fine. I was quiet but I was fine. A rush of emotion came over me. This was it. We are on our way. We are going to have babies. It’s hopefully my last injection. I got in the bed and Husband asked if I cried. I told him I felt like crying then. It was just so much emotion. So much we’ve been through. The years of being with no children. The weight loss. The injections for the last 2 weeks. The driving. The money. Everything. It has all come to this moment and things are working. I go in tomorrow for bloodwork to make sure everything is going as it should. I’m confident this will work.
It has to.