I have to inject myself

July 30, 2020

Our plans to head down south were canceled. A hurricane or tropical storm is supposed to hit early next week and Husband decided not to chance it. 
I start my injections tomorrow. I was expecting to hear from the nursing staff today about my bloodwork, but they didn’t call so I’m guessing all is well. I’m still in my feelings about my experience on baseline day. I really think that doctor had some issue with me and my weight from the start. I read in our Facebook group that many people had similar antral follicle situations and went on to have children. I’m not worried at all about my body doing the work. I’m most concerned about the doctors being on board with me. I know she couldn’t find very many follicles, but I just know that there’s a bigger power here. I’m convinced this will work. 
My plan is to work on meditating so that I can remain calm in the midst of everything. Today, John Lewis was buried. President Obama gave his eulogy. It was sad and beautiful and so much. A lot is happening in the world.
Anyway, tomorrow is the day I start the injections. I can’t believe I’m finally here!!

July 31, 2020

It’s morning. I took my first injection a few hours ago. 0851. It went well and didn’t really hurt at all. In fact, I think the only pain was from me pushing too hard or something weird because I lost my train of thought during the injection. None of the tutorials show fat people. It’s all thin women who barely have body fat. I hope I did it right. I’m just trusting God and the process right now. All I can do is my best. 
I’m trying to not think so much about the bad experience at baseline. I realize now that I was trying really hard to maintain an upbeat attitude. I need to embrace the negativity of the experience and just move past it so I can bring happiness and love into this whole process. I also realized today what a process this will be. The daily shots. The insecurity and unsureness. I hadn’t totally grasped how it would feel and even on this first day of injections I feel it. It’s okay though. Even if it doesn’t work out like I want it to, I am ready to try. I have to try. 
I have another injection tonight at 9 pm. It’s the same as this morning, Lupron. Tomorrow I start the other ones as well. They are Menopur and Gonal-F. Both of those are in the evening. I just hope I do everything right.
We decided to get out and go for a walk around the base today. I’m going stir crazy in this room. DC is such an amazing place, but everything’s closed due to the pandemic. No museums are open. No plays or concerts or movies. This base happens to have a paved walking track right in front. It’s close enough that we can just walk to it. It’s also a good idea to keep in good shape. We moved from California just a few weeks ago after driving for over a week. The walk was so nice. Humid but nice. There are so many deer on this base, too. They’re pretty tame and don’t run when we get near them. Thankfully, walking and exercise helped to clear my mind. 
Tomorrow’s a new day.

Love always, Monica

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