My weight struggle.

My mom found some letters from a 13 year old me. I’ve always been one to communicate with written words. This letter showed me my struggle even then. My mom was worried that I wasn’t eating lunch. I was telling her that I really needed to lose weight. I honestly don’t remember this but the fact that she found the letters speaks volumes.

When I was in middle school I was teased – and picked on – and made fun of. I was a nerd. I was smart. I was fat. Middle school was very difficult for me mentally. My grades were great but I felt horrible about myself. This is the time when you start really discovering yourself and all I could do was pray to be thin. I had many sleepless nights. I suffered from depression although we didn’t call it that back then. It was bad. I can’t believe I’m here today. It was that bad for me. I remember going to the doctor and having an exam. The nurse asked me if I’d ever been pregnant. I was 13 years old. I had never been pregnant.

You see, my body is covered in stretch marks. They’ve been there for as long as I can remember. I’m not talking pretty little filigree stretch marks either. I’m talking about those wide, deep ones. They cover my stomach. At 13, my nurse had apparently never seen anything like it and assumed it was because I had been pregnant. That has stuck with me for 20 years.

I remember so many of the fad diets. The lose 30 pounds in 30 days with the cabbage soup diet. My mom bought me all the ingredients. I lasted 2 days maybe. You know those diets on the covers of the magazine at the grocery store checkout. Yep. I’ve done all of them. I did them before I even entered high school. Trust me when I say I’ve tried it all. I look back at this and don’t blame my mother for anything. I don’t blame her for encouraging these fads. She didn’t know. She has struggled with weight her whole life as well. She’s a product of the old south. It’s hard for her to change her ways. It’s hard for her to understand that butter and grease are not a dietary necessity. I love my mother for always wanting the best for me.

But I am determined to be the difference. I don’t have children but I do have nieces. I want to be a healthy example for them. I don’t mean skinny. I mean healthy. I want them to know that you don’t have to eat french fries because your stomach hurts. I want them to know that it’s okay to go outside with the bugs. I want them to experience all that life has to offer and to not deal with the issues associated with being overweight. I don’t care about political correctness in this. I know that some people are perfectly happy being obese. I am not.

So my struggle continues only this time it’s not a struggle. It’s an amazing journey towards a fit and healthy life. It’s a change for the better. It’s a lifestyle where I can actually do things. I want to kayak, zip-line, stand up paddle board, surf. I want to have zero limitations. The truth is, things have weight limits. Real life weight limits. I want to remove those limits. I will remove those limits.
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Love always, Monica

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  1. You are one of the most beautifulest ladies I know! I am sorry that this has been a hard struggle, but more so I am so happy that you are happily moving forward to achieve a healthy strong lifestyle! The big book says He uses all things for good. I am so thankful that you have taken your struggle and turned it around to help lead people in a positive way to feeling good about themselves. You have been blessed with such am encouraging heart. Thank you!

  2. Thank you so much for sharing your journey! This has been a struggle for me for some years also, and your journey inspires me. I pray you reach every goal you are pressing towards!

  3. Thank you Monica for sharing. I totally understand and the struggle is real! To be healthy is a great goal of mine as well. I told my mom the other day I need to get my head back in this and get healthy. Her reply was yes for your future husband. (33 and unmarried you get a lot of that) I responded nope not for him for ME! She then corrected herself and said you are right, he will just love the benefits of a healthy happy you! I know Lennie Ray Day is a great supporter and I do wish I had someone to walk this road with at times but I am excited to read and see that I am not alone in this by reading your words. Also know that you aren’t alone and that you are encouraging others! Much love to you and my favorite Mr. Day!

    1. You know, the one thing I’ve learned throughout my process of sharing is that I am not alone. So many people have the same struggles. It’s nice to know that there’s someone out there for you to lean on. Thanks so much for being along for the journey!!

  4. Round of applause! You’ll do it and you’ll be an inspiration to others….I’m on the same journey! Not only good luck but congrats, it takes a strong person to even share your insecurities

  5. I am super proud to call you my friend and now can put my finger on why. Yes you are fun,smart,talented and plain amazing, but you are so very very real. Thanks for laying it out there and motivating others (me) to not let the past define the future:)

  6. I knew this 13 yr old version of you. (Heck, I knew you almost before you did… Lol) It kinda saddens me that the 13 yr old me didn’t see this struggle. I knew something in life changed during middle school but I had no clue to what degree. I never saw you in terms of weight. I just saw my friend. Sure, I too was envious of your long ponytails and fairer complexion. But I just accepted my nubs for ponytails and my darker hue for what it was- the unchangable fact of reality. But if I knew what you had to endure I may have put down the rose colored shades of adolescence and embraced the grey hues of life. But know you were accepted by me for just being you.

    1. That is so special to me. You know, we all had issues that others didn’t see. You really have always been a sister. I tell people that you never know someone else’s struggle. Thanks for always being a great friend!!

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